I use to want to change myself. I use to feel insecure about my inability to be as free and outspoken as others. I use to write in my journals declarations of the new me. I convinced myself that one day I would be so free that people would look up to me. I was young and full of hope, but the problem I had was I thought I had a problem in the first place. I hated that I was so serious and so sensitive. I hated that I wouldn’t share my inner thoughts in a discussion. I really didn’t want to be myself because I thought it was something wrong with me. I wanted to be free of that burden. Once I started accepting myself, I stopped seeing the negative parts of my personality. I stopped trying so hard to change myself. I became free once I decided that I didn’t have to be a certain way to add value.
No matter what someone’s personality is everyone adds value. Everyone has a special skill or strength. Back in the day, I use to focus a lot on strengthening my weaknesses. I even felt inadequate because of my tendency to be private and not as social as others. I use to feel bad for being forgettable in people’s minds. Even now I feel uncomfortable when a person might forget that they met me. I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about what I could to be more memorable. My conclusion is it doesn’t matter. Not being memorable is not something that will help me reach my goals. On top of that most people are in their own worlds anyway. While I am considered quiet, I am also observant. Being quiet doesn’t mean my brain is empty, it just means that I am observing.
As an introvert, I spend a lot of time thinking. I sometimes think about situations that make me feel uncomfortable. I use to take those incidents as indications of ways I need to change. Now I take them as ways to help me understand myself. I spent so much of my life trying to change the core of who I am only to realize I can not. I can grow and adapt and not have so much social anxiety, but I am still going to be reserved. Life is not about changing who I am to make people like me but growing so I can become a better person. Bettering myself is not about being more social, but about working to make a change. That is what’s most important.
In this social world, it is easy for an introvert to feel less than. People are always trying to push us to speak up and come out of ourselves. While I think it is important to make connections with people, all connections are not created equal. Changing yourslef does not mean you reject the negative things about you. It means accepting yourself and trying to be a better person.