I just want to write a post about where I am mentally. I missed a week of blogging and I haven’t been posting on my normal days. I also up and changed the name of my blog without explanation, so I will explain that here.
“I’m going to get married at 21 and have kids by 23 so when my kids get older I won’t be old” This was my 13 year old plan because one of my friends had older parents and they never wanted to take us anywhere. In my 13 year mind, this meant they lacked energy because they were too old. This was also a time when I thought 40 was really old and 50 was ancient. I thought that this was the age when your out of shape and can’t do any physical activities. 17 years really has a way of changing a person perspective.
2017 was the summer of all summers for me. I went to Barbados for the first time and came back like feeling like Stella in How Stella Got Her Groove Back. I stayed in a hotel apartment with a patio overlooking the beach. I sat out there a few times and listened to the sound of the crashing waves. I felt I was in a dream. How did I here again? Another thing that was nice about where we stayed was that we were across the street from a lot of the night clubs.
At this moment I am on vacation in Barbados with my boyfriend. It feels surreal since we spend so much time on the phone. It’s like we can give each other real kisses and not fake kisses over the phone. We have been in a long distance relationship for two years. For a while, I didn’t want to open up about our story for a couple of reasons one being I didn’t want to jinx it in the beginning. The other reason is that people are super nosey and I wanted to keep it private.
I like to take pictures. It brings me joy to take snaps of my family and friends. I enjoy taking pictures of things I find interesting and places I have been to. But when it comes to me being in front of the camera, I feel really shy. Seriously, how am I suppose to pose? I feel super awkward when photos are being taken of me. That’s why I do photoshoots with other photographers to relieve my anxiety. It’s just a picture that if not deleted will forever show how shy and awkward I am, no big deal right?