At this moment I am on vacation in Barbados with my boyfriend. It feels surreal since we spend so much time on the phone. It’s like we can give each other real kisses and not fake kisses over the phone. We have been in a long distance relationship for two years. For a while, I didn’t want to open up about our story for a couple of reasons one being I didn’t want to jinx it in the beginning. The other reason is that people are super nosey and I wanted to keep it private.
I like to take pictures. It brings me joy to take snaps of my family and friends. I enjoy taking pictures of things I find interesting and places I have been to. But when it comes to me being in front of the camera, I feel really shy. Seriously, how am I suppose to pose? I feel super awkward when photos are being taken of me. That’s why I do photoshoots with other photographers to relieve my anxiety. It’s just a picture that if not deleted will forever show how shy and awkward I am, no big deal right?
I did not enjoy my trip to Rome. I know it’s an ancient city and has a lot to offer, but my trip just wasn’t the best. I have enough self-awareness to understand it wasn’t the city itself and it is all on me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I just wasn’t happy. So I am going to list the things I would have done differently that would have made my trip better.
My last day of school was yesterday and summer break has officially started. I have completed two years of being a teacher in Kuwait and I am still in awe. Looking back I remember talking to my father and we talked about how fast the two years will go by. Now here I am two years later and the summer break is here again!
I use to want to change myself. I use to feel insecure about my inability to be as free and outspoken as others. I use to write in my journals declarations of the new me. I convinced myself that one day I would be so free that people would look up to me. I was young and full of hope, but the problem I had was I thought I had a problem in the first place. I hated that I was so serious and so sensitive. I hated that I wouldn’t share my inner thoughts in a discussion. I really didn’t want to be myself because I thought it was something wrong with me. I wanted to be free of that burden. Once I started accepting myself, I stopped seeing the negative parts of my personality. I stopped trying so hard to change myself. I became free once I decided that I didn’t have to be a certain way to add value.